and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
