she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
