Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
