so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
