Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
