escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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