so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
