He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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