i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
