Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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