I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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