I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
