Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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