I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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