The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
