you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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