You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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