Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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