brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
