why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
