Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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