Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
