I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
