Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
