just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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