Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
