Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
