You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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