you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
