I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
