I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
