just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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