i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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