i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
