sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if i died would you start the facebook group?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
