Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
