Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish you could order shots online.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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