well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
