i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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