Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
