and you said cock pushups were impossible
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
