I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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