Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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