You really coming over, don't trick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
