She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
