I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
