im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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