M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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