Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
