Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
