Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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