i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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