so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
