i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
