Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
