It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
