I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
