just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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