the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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