guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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