You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
