Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
