my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
