time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
