I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
